Non-Monogamy Terms Explained

In 2022, discussing sexuality and relationships is far from abnormal. Conversations around love and sex dynamics, especially as they pertain and interweave with gender and sexuality, are happening all around the world in infinite cultural contexts. While the practices of non-monogamy and polyamory have been around much longer than we might imagine, the labels and terms used for this community vary extensively. It can be daunting to have a conversation about opening your relationship with your partner when you have previously only practiced monogamy, or to be talking to your friend who is in a poly-cule and not understanding how their relationship works. Because of the potential for confusion, this article works to break down the ever-changing list of polyamorous/non-monogamy terms for those who are interested. 

 

Ambiamorous: A person’s ability to be in a monogamous relationship or polyamorous relationship at different times. A monogamy switch, if you will. 

Anchor Partner: A partner who is the “central figure” in one’s life. Similar to a “primary partner” concept but functions in a non-hierarchical way unlike a relationship with a primary partner. 

Closed Polycule/Polyfidelitous Relationship: Both terms are used to describe a group of partners who have decided to not involve other individuals in the network of their relationships. Polyfidelitous is more commonly known as “polyfi.”  

Comet: A long-distance relationship that functions only in person when the partners are physically together, connection is looser when they are apart. “Like a comet passing close enough for the Earth to see every few years” (readyforpolyamory.com). 

Compersion: Kind of seen as the opposite of jealousy, when one partner is happy about the joy their partner is receiving in another relationship.  

Consensual Non-Monogamy: A relationship in which all partners are aware and consent to a non-exclusive relationship in some form. (sexual, emotional, or both) (this term is used in social science studies) 

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Relationships (DADT): Often a former monogamous, hierarchal, primary relationship that allows the partners to see others outside of the relationship without telling each other about who they are seeing.  

Dyad: Relationship between two people, can be monogamous or poly. 

Ethical Non-Monogamy: Same definition as “consensual non-monogamy.” 

Friends with Benefits: A sexual relationship that does not have romantic ties, but can have an emotional connection. 

Frubble: A way to articulate the feeling of compersion. Garden Party Polyamory: In between “kitchen table” polyamory and “parallel” polyamory. Sometimes used for polycules and other times used for folks who only see each other a few times a year at gatherings. 

Hierarchal Relationships: Relationships in which certain partners are prioritized over others. Can sometimes be how a poly relationship begins that was previously monogamous. 

Hinge: A partner that is shared between two people. 

Kitchen Table Polyamory (KTP): A polyamorous relationship that prioritizes the integration of metamours and telemours into the group. 

Metamour: Partner of one’s partner 

Monogamish: Two partners may not identify as poly but are not 100% closed off to other partners. 

N or Z: A four-person polycule where “A and B are romantically involved, B and C are romantically involved, and C and D are romantically involved” but there are no triads in the group. 

Nesting partners: Partners that share a home 

Non-Hierarchical Relationships: Relationships that have an emphasis on equality rather than one being prioritized over another. 

One Penis Policy (OPP): Firm rule that there can be only one penis-owning individual in the relationship network. Can be seen as problematic in a few ways as it typically only refers to cisgender men, which leads to the erasure of trans identities, and can be seen as an abuse of power for a man to decide (if he is the one who decided) his female partners can only sleep with him and other women. 

Open polycule: Relationship network that allows for folks to explore outside of the group and join new relationships. 

Other Significant Other: A significant other that is not the primary or nesting partner of an individual. 

Parallel Polyamory: No intention of interweaving the relationships outside of the primary partnerships. Primary partnership is prioritized over other partner’s relationships. 

Platonic Life Partner (PLP): A partner that does not have romantic or sexual components of the relationship but has a lifelong commitment to each other,  examples could be cohabitating or co-parenting. 

Polyamory: “Poly” (Greek) means many, and “Amor” (Latin) means love. A practice of non-monogamy where individuals will seek out multiple loving relationships. 

Polycule: Web of relationships that are all connected. A group of multiple relationships. 

Poly Family: A group of poly people who call each other family. 

Quad: Four-person relationship dynamic where everyone is romantically involved with each other. 

Relationship Anarchy: A term used to explain viewing open/poly relationships in a way that exists beyond societal standards and rules. 

Solo-Polyamory: A form of polyamory where someone chooses to be their own primary partner and builds relationships without expecting them to level up in specific ways (i.e. marriage or cohabitating.) 

Telemour: Partner of a metamour that is not shared 

Unicorn: A bisexual woman who is involved with a heterosexual couple in a way that is permitted by the couple. 

 

You may be wondering, is cuckolding a part of the polyamorous world? While cuckolding is engaging in sex that goes beyond the norms of monogamous partnership, according to this article, cuckolding is considered a sexual fetish. Because it is a sexual fetish, we refrain from considering it a poly practice, as polyamory and fetishes function in different ways. The two certainly can intertwine, and it is up to each individual how they view and practice, but overall, cuckolding is not considered a poly practice. 

It is important to recognize that these terms can apply to the entire range of sexual orientations, including but certainly not limited to gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, heterosexual, and asexual identities can intersect with all of these terms and practices. An asexual person may not be interested in sex, but they may still experience romantic feelings in a polyamorous way. These terms are ever-evolving as the climate of polyamorous relationships and sexuality develops over time. The concepts are not necessarily new, but with the velocity at which conversations around these topics progress, there is a chance that in years to come we will have more terms and some of these may be used less. The more we educate folks on these terms, the better chances we have at removing the stigma from polyamory and helping individuals understand their placements in the world of love and sex. By removing the stigma around polyamory, we can create a more sex-positive environment for future generations! 

By Marley Lerner