How to Find a Kink Therapist
I want to know, what does a kink therapist do? Tell me how to find a kink therapist.
If you enjoy kink, you might wonder where you can find a therapist who is knowledgeable about kink, and also won’t judge or shame you for enjoying sexual activities outside of the vanilla “societal norm”. Kink is defined as “anything outside of intercourse-based sex between two monogamous partners, particularly when it includes non-traditional desires and fantasies.” When looking for a kink therapist, it’s important that they provide a safe space for you to express your sexual wants and needs.
Respark provides kink therapy and can help you find a kink therapist who you feel comfortable with. In kink therapy you might discuss topics such as boundaries and communication, or your options and choices in kink relationships. Online sex therapy makes finding a kink therapist more convenient.You can choose from therapists nation-wide and have a greater choice in finding an educated kink therapist. Respark is a top provider of online kink therapy and can connect you with the knowledgeable kink therapy provider of your choice.
Respark’s Kink Therapy is an inclusionary and celebratory space to express your wildest, kinkiest fantasies. Repark couples and sex therapists are highly trained in kink, BDSM, and kinky relationships. many have additional certifications and advanced training on the research and typical concerns. In your sessions, we will address:
- Creating negotiations with your partner(s) beforehand
- Discussing ways to effectively and safely act out your desires
- Resolving any problems that may arise in the process
When looking for a kink therapist, it’s ok to be assertive and interview your potential therapist about their knowledge and experience with kink and alternative sexuality. Ask them if they feel comfortable helping you with creating negotiations, creating safe ways to act out your desires, and providing same-free guidance to resolving any problems.
What is kink affirmative therapy? How to find a kink therapist who is a kink affirmative therapist.
Affirmative kink therapy is a type of sex therapy where your therapist is supportive, knowledgeable, and encouraging of the kink lifestyle you enjoy. An article by The Affirmative Couch about Depathologizing Kink in Therapy reinforces the importance of having a knowledgeable kink affirmative therapist. They encourage sex therapy clinicians “to remain present with clients when they disclose engaging in a practice of kink or other sexual self-exploration. Clinicians can bear witness to clients beginning to understand and accept the rollercoaster of healing, and will need to have familiarity with specifics of ethical kink culture.”
Participating in kink affirmative therapy can help members of the kink community overcome prejudices and bias that are present surrounding kink. It’s important to find a therapist who is kink affirmative and knowledgeable. They should be aware of kink myths and stereotypes like “beliefs that kink-oriented individuals are deviant or mentally ill, tend to be violent or emotionally unstable, perpetuate the subjugation of women, are unable to have stable and healthy relationships, and tend to be uneducated.” (Counseling the Kink Community: What Clinicians Need to Know)
Not every sex therapist provides kink affirming sex therapy. An article by Vice, How to Find a Sex-Positive Therapist, tells the story of a person who began therapy with a therapist who advertised as “kink-friendly” Throughout their sessions, this client began to realize that their therapist was actually not kink-friendly, kink-affirmative, or kink-knowledgeable. This experience brought shame to the client and was not a positive experience. After this experience, this person recommended using online resources to find kink-knowledgeable therapists. One place to find a sex-positive support for kink is the Kink Aware Professionals Directory. Here you can find professionals who are knowledgeable and sensitive to diverse expressions of sexuality. Respark Kink Therapists are listed in this national directory.
What is the difference between kink friendly and kink aware? How to find a kink therapist who is kink friendly and kink aware.
You might wonder, What Makes a Therapist Kink-Aware or Kink-Friendly? Or you might wonder, what is the difference between kink “friendly” and kink “aware”? There are three levels of kink sex therapy providers. These levels are outlined in the Clinical Practice Guidelines for
Working with People with Kink Interests.
In this outline, you can easily tell the difference between kink friendly and kink aware:
- Kink-friendly therapists are open to working with clients who engage in kink without judgment, but their level of knowledge about kink is minimal
- Kink-aware therapists have more knowledge about kinky culture and activities and have worked with at least one kink-identified client in the past
- Kink-knowledgeable therapists have the greatest knowledge of the culture and can provide affirmative care that is empathetic and focuses on individual experiences
As you can see, the three levels hold different meanings, as each level indicates a separate level of understanding of the kink community and kink lifestyle. Now you might wonder how to find a therapist who is kink friendly, kink knowledgable, and kink aware.
Counselling Directory provides the following recommendations for how to find a kink therapist:
- Recommendations from a friend.
- Pink therapy has listings for counselors who work with LGBTQ+ people and those from sexual minorities. Not all listed counselors will be kink-aware so do check this out.
- Fetlife a kink/BDSM social media site which has groups for discussion of kink-aware therapy. You will need to create a profile before you can send messages. Be aware of your privacy and that you may not be able to delete public comments
- NCSF (national coalition sexual freedom) have a list of kink-aware therapists.
- Advanced search for ‘kink-aware’ professionals through Counselling Directory. Again there is no guarantee any counselors listed here will be kink-aware so you may need to enquire about this.
What is kink and poly aware? How to find kink and poly aware therapists.
If a therapist is kink-aware it means they have knowledge about kinky culture and activities and have worked with at least one kink-identified client in the past. The same can be said for a poly-aware therapist. If a therapist is poly-aware, they have knowledge about polyamorous culture and activities and have worked with at least one polyamorous client in the past. If you aren’t familiar with the definition of polyamorous, here’s a brief overview.
In an article by Psych Central, Throuple, Quad, and Vee: All About Polyamorous Relationships, polyamory is described as “a type of ethical non-monogamy, polyamory involves having romantic relationships with multiple people”. Polyamory doesn’t necessarily involve marriage, and not all polyamorous relationships are sexual in nature, although they can be.
The best way to find a kink-aware or poly-aware therapist is to locate one from one of the resources given above. You can use a trusted kink and poly-aware therapy practice like Respark, or search through a database like the kink-aware professionals directory. Asking important questions is a big part of finding the best therapist for your needs. We have outlined three important questions to ask any therapist who claims to be kink-aware.
Three questions that will help you find a kink therapist
To find the best therapy provider for your needs, it’s a good idea to conduct a brief interview with a potential therapist. Some people may be worried about potentially interviewing a therapist, but remember, it’s important to ask questions to make sure your potential therapist is a good fit from the start. If they are good at what they do, they will also want to make sure this new client-therapist relationship is a good fit for their skill set.
In order to help you get started, we have identified three questions that you can ask a potential therapist about their knowledge and experience with kink.
- How many kinky clients have you worked with in the past? Would any of them offer testimonials?
- How have you educated yourself about kink?
- How do you plan to learn about kink if you’re not familiar with it?
Each one of these questions can be expanded upon and worded to fit your individual needs and questions. The answers to these questions may carry different weights for different people. Some people may find it helpful to educate their therapist about kink and provide resources for them on their specific kinks. Other people may want to find a therapist who has already been through a kink informed training program. While one person may feel comfortable with a therapist who has worked with one or two kinky clients, another person might want a therapist with experience working with twenty or more kinky clients. It’s all completely up to you and what you feel the most comfortable with.
At Respark, we are here to assist in everyone’s sexual journey. Should you be interested in the scene yet unsure of where to begin or if you’re already a kink veteran, we want to help. During your Respark therapy sessions, we can discuss your relationship to kink, but also everything else! Respark therapists are experts in the sexuality field and can help guide you to better understand your needs, your desires, and yourself.
Find your kink therapist at Respark Therapy
If you are looking for a kink-knowledgeable and kink-affirmative therapist, Respark is a great place to start looking for your ideal therapy match. All of our therapists are highly trained in sexuality. They have AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) certification and over 200+ hours of sexuality education.
Many of Respark Therapists have additional highly specialized certifications including year-long training programs in Kink Informed Certification, Problem Sexual Behavior Certified (“Sex Addiction”), Open/Poly Certified and other critical issues related to relationships and sexual health. Respark Kink Therapists have experience with a variety of non-traditional and alternative sexual issues including:
- Cross-dressing
- BDSM
- Sadomasochism
- Kink
- Open relationships
- Polyamory
- Exhibitionism
- Fetishes of all types
- Furry fandom
- Swinging lifestyles
- Voyeurism
- Vampires & sexuality
- Sex workers
- Erotic humiliation
- Exhibitionism
- Fetishes
- Frotteurism
- Cuckolding
- Hot wife
- Age play
When you are ready to find a kink therapist that can meet your needs, the experts at Respark are here to help you. Our therapists are here to help answer your questions and respark your life.
If you are interested in learning more about Kink, Kink Therapy, Poly, and Poly-Friendly Therapy, here are a few podcast episodes to check out!