Sex Therapy Exercises To Do at Home

If you’ve ever been to sex therapy or couples therapy you’re probably familiar with the concept of “sex therapy homework.” There are a lot of sex therapy exercises that are meant to be done at home, alone with yourself or your partner(s), that can be very beneficial for enhancing intimacy and working through anxieties surrounding sex. The purpose of sex therapy exercises is to help one improve their sex life by acting on the things you may discuss in therapy. In this sense, “what you will learn in sex therapy is just the beginning, and by engaging in “sex exercises” you will learn not only the fundamentals of what constitutes good sex for each partner, you will also learn to broaden your horizons and try things you may have never thought about before.” (marriage.com) An article for Marriage.com by expert blogger Sylvia Smith says the following regarding sex therapy exercises to do at home:

“The more you try what you have been taught in sex therapy homework exercises, the more skillful you will become.” (marriage.com)

More than this, Smith refers to sex therapy as something that takes time and practice:

“Sex therapy, like all therapy, is not a one-shot deal.  You do not suddenly get answers for all that ails you in one appointment and leave as a new sex superstar.” (marriage.com)

With all of this in mind, you’re probably wondering how to find sex therapy exercises to do at home. There are a lot of prompts that other sex therapists have been kind enough to share online, but it’s always helpful to consult your own sex therapist to find out what specific sex therapy exercises may help you.

“Homework” Assignments

One of the most basic sex therapy exercises to do at home would be that of communication. By communication, I don’t mean regular conversation, but rather utilizing a set of specific prompts to help you or you and your partner(s) enhance your communication. These prompts “might be the same (or similar to) as these:

1. When do you feel sexiest?
2. When do you feel least sexy?
3. What do I do in bed that you really like?
4. What do I do in bed that turns you off?
5. If there were one thing which you would like me to do when we are making love that we have not done, what would it be?” (marriage.com)

As you get through the above more basic questions you may also begin to follow some more interpersonal prompts such as:

1. How can we make intimacy a priority?
2. Tell me what you need in bed to feel pleasure.
3. What have I done to make you feel loved this week?  What could I do better in this regard?

These communication exercises can be a great tool to work on your relationship because they will create space for meaningful discussion. After these exercises, there are other types of exercises that can be done in tandem with communication practices.

Sensate Focus

There is a specific type of sex therapy exercise called sensate focus that can aid in reducing anxiety and increasing intimacy. Sensate focus “ is all about mindfulness and can increase your intimacy and ultimately make your sexual experiences (and relationship) more pleasurable.” (cosmopolitan) In an article for Cosmopolitan by Paisley Gilmour Dr. Katherine Hertlein “ a couples therapist, sexuality educator, and expert advisor at digital sex therapy app Blueheart, explains what the Sensate Focus sex therapy technique is and how it can improve your relationship and sex life.” (cosmopolitan) The point of sensate focus exercises is to increase mindfulness during intimacy which in turn will help you “achieve more pleasurable social experiences.”  (cosmopolitan) 

Dr. Hertelin says that a session involves the exploration of your own body as well as your partner(s)’s “ but avoiding genitalia…[instead]you focus on sensations such as texture, pressure, temperature while learning techniques to help you ignore negative, intrusive thoughts that might occur during intimacy – such as wondering how you look naked or thinking about that presentation at work.” (cosmopolitan) The point is to embrace sex at the moment and tune into the intimacy of sex with your partner(s). Sensate focus exercises “can be a really powerful technique for individuals and couples experiencing sexual dysfunction, but that it can be useful “for everyone and anyone who wants to improve their sex life and increase intimacy with their partner.” (cosmopolitan) It’s important to note though that sensate focus exercises are sex therapy exercises that should be done after communication is strengthened:

“Couples with underlying issues need to address them using couples therapy beforehand, otherwise they risk the technique not working” (cosmopolitan) 

In this sense, it would be best to practice sensate focus under the supervision of a certified sex therapist. We at Respark can help you with the first steps of the process, and before you know it you will have your own sex therapy homework! 

By: Alyssa Morterud

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