Mindful Sex – Introducing Mindfulness to Intimacy
Do you ever find your mind wandering during sex?
There’s nothing like the thought of unfinished laundry to kill the mood. When these thoughts pop in, don’t be too hard on yourself! In a world that seems to praise multitasking, it’s totally normal to struggle with being 100% there, even when we’re enjoying ourselves.
Or maybe you struggle with thinking too much during sex. Thoughts like, “am I doing this right?” or “how long will this last?” bring us out of the moment and can cause performance anxiety for some.
If you are looking to enjoy yourself and be more present during sex, mindful sex therapy can help.
First off, what is mindfulness?
The Faculty of Medicine at The University of British Columbia defines mindfulness as “a way of paying attention to purpose, moment by moment, and doing so in a non-judgmental or compassionate way.” (UBC) We can apply mindfulness to anything we do, whether it’s walking our dog, making dinner, or having sex. It’s a way to feel more connected to every experience, big or small.
What is mindful sex and why should we have it?
For starters, mindful sex is the best way to have great sex. Research shows that women who practice mindfulness in their daily life reported an increase in desire, arousal, lubrication, and sexual satisfaction. In other words, the less we focus on achieving an orgasm, the more likely we are to orgasm and have satisfying sex. It can also help us feel closer to our partner and deepen intimacy, leading to a more satisfying relationship. By focusing on the present, we can lessen anxiety and the stress of performance.
Even better, the more we practice being truly present, the more our brain wants to do it. (Our brain actually forms neurological pathways when we choose to be present, making it easier each time. Cool, right?)
Mindful sex therapy can provide individualized useful tools for you to have the most present, satisfying sex. Here are a few tips and tricks to start your journey to more mindful sex.
Anchor yourself
Feel the weight of your body pressing down beneath you. By focusing on the weight of our body, we remind ourselves of our physicality and pay less attention to the thoughts fluttering around our brains. To ground yourself deeper, really feel the weight of your partner’s body against your own.
Pay attention to your breath
Try putting one hand on your abdomen and notice how your breath moves your body and up and down. Once you are comfortable tuning into your own breathing, try syncing your breath up with your partner. You can do this by inhaling at the same time, counting to three, and releasing together. This will relax both of you and also make you feel closer than ever.
Focus on the physical
A helpful grounding tip is to shift your focus from what you’re thinking to what you can see, touch, hear, and smell. Really tune into the warmth of your partner’s skin, feel their heartbeat, or listen to the sound of their breath. It can also be helpful to light a scented candle reserved for intimate time to engage all of the senses. The more we connect with our physical surroundings, the less our brain tends to trail off.
Masturbate
Masturbating is a great way to get in touch with our own bodies. Practice mindful masturbation to explore what you truly like, without worrying about judgment. The more we get in tune with our own bodies, the easier it is to synchronize with our partners.
Mindful Sex Therapy
At Respark, we know the importance of practicing mindful sex. We provide mindful sex therapy to individuals or couples looking to deepen and improve their sex lives. Contact us to schedule an appointment 512-537-0922. Or, Schedule an appointment now.
Like anything, mindful sex takes practice. If you make the conscious decision to be present, but an unwanted thought still pop-ups, merely acknowledge it, thank your brain for trying to be helpful and focus your attention back to the physical touch. Enjoy your journey to better sex!