How to Talk Dirty Without Being Awkward

By Michelle | April 22, 2021

Dirty talk, or talking dirty, is “the practice of using explicit word imagery to heighten sexual excitement before and during physical, sexual activity.” The act itself can enhance both intimacy and pleasure in the bedroom and often precede or occur during sex. The reason why talking dirty itself can be so erotic is because it “helps us to get out of our heads and into our bodies.” (Block) It’s important to note that during sex, our minds are just as important as our bodies. In other words, your body “ may be feeling something, but if [your] mind is disengaged, the pleasure reward will always fall short.” (Block) After all, the brain is the biggest sex organ in the body! While talking dirty can significantly elevate your sex life, it can also have an adverse effect. This could be for a multitude of reasons. For one, talking dirty is an intimidating act in and of itself because it requires a certain level of courage and vulnerability- as you never know how your partner(s) will respond to talking dirty in the bedroom.
If you or your partner(s) are struggling with incorporating dirty talk into your sex life, a sex and relationship therapist could be the solution to your problem. Couple’s sex therapy is focused on breaking through communication barriers and ensuring that all participants feel safe and comfortable before, during, and after any sort of intimacy. Talking dirty can initially create a communication barrier in a relationship, and a sex and relationship therapist can help you overcome it. Our Respark founder ( and certified sex therapist), Heather McPherson, was recently featured in a Huffpost article called “How to Talk Dirty Without Being Awkward” by Brittany Wong. The contents of the article contain some great advice!

Dirty Talk Minus the “Awkward” Talk

The article acknowledges how awkward the act of dirty talk can be if you’re “ worried about how you might sound or if your partner is going to laugh.” (huffpost.com) But don’t worry, our favorite certified sex and relationship therapist has some advice if you find yourself worried about such things. Heather advises you to get out of your head and “tap into the sensory side of sex.” (huffpost.com). In addition, “when you start to focus on how you want yourself and your partner to feel, you realize you have more in your sex talk arsenal than you know.” (McPherson) Couples therapy can help you to expand your sex talk arsenal even more, as you can explore your and your partner(s) desires in a safe and controlled setting before you engage in any type of dirty talk. Another tip Heather gives us is to follow the Dan Savage formula. For those of us who don’t know, Dan Savage is a sex columnist who believes that one way to tackle dirty talk is to “Tell ’em what you’re going to do, tell ’em what you’re doing, tell ’em what you did.” This formula is more playful and can bring a relaxed and confident attitude into the bedroom.
The article also includes advice from other sex and relationship therapists and specialists in the industry. The first piece of advice leaves those of us who are nervous with some comfort, as we are reminded that there is “no need to channel a porn star right out of the gate.” Talking dirty can be very simple, and it doesn’t need to be vulgar or overly explicit if you don’t want it to be. “ If profanity or vulgar language isn’t something that you commonly use, don’t feel pressured to use it. I mean, it might throw your partner off if you’re suddenly asking ‘master to fuck his little cum-dumpster,’” says sexologist Megan Stubbs. In this sense, dirty talk doesn’t have to be as intimidating because it can be simplified to accommodate your taste! Another great tip is to get comfortable talking about sex outside of your bedroom. Wong notes that “research shows that people who are more comfortable talking about sex in their everyday lives have more satisfying sex lives.” Talking about sex outside of the bedroom can be a good starting point on the journey to incorporating dirty talk into your sex life. If you are eager to learn more about this, I advise you to reach out to a sex and relationship therapist and possibly look into a couples therapy session! Sex can become a lot less intimidating when you have the help of a licensed professional in your corner.
Included is a special list of sex lines that can be found at the end of the HuffPost article, as provided by sexperts like our founder Heather McPherson: