Bondage and Sexual Healing
The art of bondage has multiple applications in the world of sex therapy. With the most widely known application being that of bondage within the context of BDSM. The term BDSM encompasses bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadomasochism, and masochism. In mainstream media, BDSM has finally begun to become a part of the discourse around healthy, consensual sex. The topic used to be somewhat of a taboo, and made its way into mainstream discourse through pornography and arguably the problematic Fifty Shades of Grey franchise. As our world is starting to expand the definition of “normative” sexual behavior, bondage (in terms of BDSM) is also being used in tandem with kink therapy overseen by a licensed sex therapist. BDSM has been credited with helping clients cope with sexual trauma or shame by re-visiting triggering situations in a safe, consensual intimate setting.
BDSM and Sex Therapy
Mistress Couple, a writer for the Daily Beast, detailed her personal experience with BDSM, bondage, and healing from sexual trauma. She notes that “engaging in bondage scenes with partners who I can trust has allowed me to revisit the emotions about what happened to me but change the outcome so that I have positive associations with bondage rather than traumatic associations.” (dailybeast) It’s important to note that while BDSM can be a functional aspect of treatment for sexual trauma, it can also be dangerous to re-visit trauma without the supervision of a licensed sex or kink therapist. Mistree couples emphasize that there’s “a big difference between re-living a trauma and re-visiting it in a controlled manner, so I would not recommend doing this without the consultation of a therapist or someone experienced with trauma recovery.” (dailybeast) In this sense, bondage in the context of BDSM practices can be therapeutic for a sex therapy client. It can be empowering to reclaim sexual trauma through bondage, but it can also be triggering and detrimental to one’s healing. Restraint through bondage can be a reclamation of control for some, but it can also be an act of submission. Either way, bondage may potentially be used in tandem with sex therapy to overcome trauma!
Japanese Bondage and Sex Therapy
Japanese bondage, specifically Shibari, also has a prominent place within the world of sex and kink therapy. Midori is one of our favorite experts in Shibari, she “authored the first English instruction book on Japanese bondage, influencing what would become the hugely popular kink style of today.” (SHA Midori Interview) In an article published by Women’s Health and featured on Dr. Holly Richmond’s website, Midori offers some insight into Japanese bondage and its relationship with sex therapy. Shibari or Shibaru are forms of the Japanese word to tie, Kinbaku essentially means “really tight bondage” and can be used interchangeably with Shibari. (Nied) Midori notes that “it is childhood joyous play with adult sexual privilege and cool toys.” (Nied) Japanese bondage is an intimate art form that when practiced safely has the potential to help an individual connect with themselves and explore new aspects of their sexuality. In terms of kink therapy, Shibari can helo a client deal with intimacy issues as the practice includes the intimacy of touch over the entirety of the body. Moreover, the practice leans on strong communication skills between all parties involved. When it comes to
intercourse and Shibari, the two are not mutually exclusive as “Shibari doesn’t have to include penetration or oral sex, either- It can just be about the binds.” (Nied) There are multiple different ways that Shibari can be used to deal with issues that are addressed in sex therapy. By this, I mean that Shibari can increase intimacy or work through communication barriers in a relationship with the help of a licensed professional! Overall, bondage has many other potential benefits when used in tandem with sex therapy, and I’ve only merely outlined two possible applications. If you’re interested in learning more about bondage and sexual healing check out Midori’s 20 Questions with Sexual Health Alliance and her upcoming “Kink for the Professional Conference” with SHA!
By: Alyssa Morterud