Alternative Sexts to Dick Pics, a Sex Therapist’s Advice

Respark’s sex therapists got your back when it comes to boring ole dick pics, we’ve provided a sound list of some gentle and not so gentle ways to respond to unsolicited ones, and some alternatives to keeping things spicy between you and your significant other. Dick pics can be hot, show sexual lust between partners, and other times well it’s downright nasty (not in a good way). The problem boils down to your partner’s consent and judging the context of the conversation being held in order to gauge whether a dick pic is appropriate or not. If you are unsure if they would want a sexy pic, one they couldn’t open in public, you should ask them directly. Or you could guide the conversation into a hot and heavy convo to prepare them and set the mood and give warning for what could or could not happen after the pic is sent. The way to deal with someone sending you an unwanted dick picture without your consent or without knowing much about them is simple: block them. It’s wise to stray away from individuals who think that is okay to do this to someone, plus do you really want to get to know someone who thinks with their dick? Lucky not every man is like this, so when you do find someone right for you there are some ways to keep them engaged without the dick pic. According to Heather Rupp’s research regarding cisgendered straight relationships, “Sex Differences in Response to Visual Sexual Stimuli”, men are aroused more by the sex of the actor while women responded most to the content of the stimuli. (Rupp & Wallen, 2007). Therefore, it makes sense men go straight for the kill sending their man junk, while women would prefer to let the conversation build sexually until the sexy times can really begin. Women and men both benefit from visual stimuli, but cisgender women tend to be turned on most by a story or descriptor. Sexy talk and building tension is arguably more sexy than the picture itself for both partners. Edging is all the rave. Lets begin with some alternative sexts BETTER than a dick pic.

Describe a sexy moment you previously shared

Reminiscing about your favorite shared sexual memory can be a great way to revisit the same emotions and sexual tension you both shared before. This doesn’t require imagination or coming up with on the spot sexual images; you both remember how hot it was.

Give a command

“I want you”, or “I need you to” can sometimes come across as too needy and less sexy as you intended. A command is direct, asks for a response, and invites your partner to engage in their own imagination.

Tell your partner what you plan on doing and how your going to do it

The more specific the better. Use vivid imagery and detailed descriptions of what exactly is going to happen. Remember, suggestive is hot, obvious is not. You can say something like, “I have our evening plans: bath, then massage, then I’m going to bend you over the couch”.

Mundane moments, but make it sexy.

Say something like, “This zoom meeting is so lame, all I can think about is you tying me up tonight”. You can utilize your phone for foreplay and coming up with ideas to do later.

Ask directly what turns them on.

This revolves around the context of the conversation. You shouldn’t flat out ask this question unless you know the other person would appreciate the honest and open convo.

Tame = hot too

It’s okay if you are unable to come up with raunchy content on the spot to keep things interesting, just avoid using emojis. It’s better to describe simple things like one of their favorite outfits and why it turned you on rather than sending suggestive emojis. Remember it’s better to be tame than to come off as creepy.
Tell your partner how much you love their body.

Take Heather McPherson’s advice, a couple’s and sex therapist based out of Austin, TX and Denver, CO. Focus on the touch that goes beyond talk of strictly genitals. Say something like, “‘I can’t wait to come home and explore your curves, just thinking about your body turns me on. I want to show you how much it turns me on.’ You’re telling your partner why you are turned on. Instead of sending a dick pic to show that you’re turned on, you describe why. This provides reassurance to a body-conscious partner that you find their body not only sexy but also arousing.” ― McPherson

Work cited:
Rupp, H. A., & Wallen, K. (2007). Sex Differences in Response to Visual Sexual Stimulation. Arch Sex Behav. 10.1007/s10508-007-9217-9 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2739403/