When Does Therapy End?
This past Wednesday, the love of my life officially broke up with me. After a two-year-long relationship of growth, resilience, and lots of tears, it’s over. I’ll miss our weekly dates, but I feel reassured knowing there was nothing more she had hoped to teach me in our time together. Our relationship single-handedly changed my life for the better. Though I have to admit, the relationship was rather one-sided, but it probably would’ve been unethical any other way. I don’t mean that she was my boss or anything like that. In fact, she was my therapist and a darn good one at that. But that leads me to wonder, when does therapy end, and what does that process look like.
I saw her consistently since the fall of 2020, during the height of the pandemic. At the time, I was in a very different position than I am now and was dealing with plenty of internal and external stressors. After hours of laborious work with my insurance company and some initial sessions with other providers, I found a fit that felt just challenging enough to work, but just comforting enough to get through. Throughout our time together, we worked on my internal thoughts and self-talk, self-care habits, and setting boundaries with the people around me and with my workload. Though the journey was definitely hard at times, and there were setbacks along the way, I generally feel fulfilled now, my mindset is more balanced, and my mood is more stable.
When I eventually started coming to sessions with less and less to talk about or work out, my therapist popped the question: “Should we start considering an end date to sessions?” At first, I panicked a bit. What would I do without her? Is ending therapy even a thing that happens in real life? Facing Wednesdays alone felt daunting, and I was honest with her about my feelings about that. So, we agreed to cut back a bit at first. I moved to biweekly sessions, then monthly. This is actually recommended by experts as “closing” sessions can help establish a continued behavior of reflection. Before I knew it, we were down to our last session and reflecting back on our time together. I felt validated in knowing I had made it this far and that she felt the same.
She told me that she felt I had accomplished all my original therapeutic objectives, which is something therapists look for when suggesting discontinuing treatments. Even though I had never planned on discussing some of the things that ended up coming up, taking those side-quests allowed me to open up in new ways and become more vulnerable with my loved ones. I was also able to bring all the extra skills I learned to my original objectives in order to approach the issues in a new way and connect all my knowledge.
Another sign that it may be time to end therapy surrounds the connection to your therapist. Although I did not experience this with my most recent therapists, in past years with other providers, I found it hard to build rapport. When this happens, it can feel as though you’re unable to be fully honest with your therapist or others around you. This also depends on your preferred therapeutic style. As someone who enjoys action items to work on, having therapy “homework” allows me to constantly think about the things I discussed on Wednesdays and put them into play. If you’re the type of person who just wants to vent, finding a therapist who practices active listening might be more helpful.
When discussing what the future looked like, I was able to compare past situations and coping mechanisms to use for akin, upcoming situations. I recognize that healing is not linear, and there will be upcoming, unexpected situations in life that may pose setbacks, but that’s exactly why going back to therapy is always an option. I made sure to establish with her that our relationship can always be restarted if I feel like I need to talk to someone in an objective position again, for any reason. Sometimes these are referred to as “maintenance sessions,” because every once in a while, we could all use a tune-up.
Even though I didn’t see a sex therapist specifically, some of the lessons I learned and the therapeutic process itself overlap with the field of sexual health. Furthermore, some of the same systems apply to both types of therapy. For instance, insurance accessibility can be a factor in pursuing personal therapeutic options. With the expansion of health platforms, such as the various platforms of Telehealth, more providers can connect with clients from a geographical distance. For instance, Respark offers video therapy sessions throughout the states of Colorado, Texas, and Washington. This makes it so clients have more options in finding a good fit, and can pursue therapy from anywhere they feel comfortable. Even better, Respark offers online sex coaching classes to clients all over the world, making accessing quality healthcare easier than ever. For these reasons, increasing access to healthcare, including mental and sexual healthcare, is crucial for the holistic treatment of individuals. At the very least, therapeutic journeys can serve as proof that all breakups don’t suck.
By Emily Carriere