Take a Deep Breath For Me: The Role of Breath During Sex
Role of Breath During Sex: Are you breathing wrong?
Telling you to breathe during sex seems like common sense and something that should naturally happen. Everyone breathes during sex (even those interested in erotic asphyxiation), but what if I told you that you were breathing wrong during sex? Breathing plays a huge role in the duration of sex as well as the ability to reach orgasm and is something that I have never seen discussed until I started this research task. So sit back, relax, and take a deep breath before diving into this article.
When looking at my experience and breathing patterns during sex, I realized I take a lot of fast and quick breaths. It’s not that I’m out of breath, but something I realized is performative rather than natural. Despite its unnatural nature, this type of breathing is perceived as sexy and erotic probably due to how often it is demonstrated in pornography, which is where I subconsciously picked up as a performative sexual habit. Others, such as Well+Good writer Morgan Mandriota, stop breathing during solo and partnered sex. These are both incredibly common things and either may be holding you back from reaching that golden orgasm.
Why is your breathing wrong?
Sexologist Devi Ward Erickson discusses that a reason for holding your breath, or taking quiet ones can stem from the false idea that self-pleasure is shameful. When this message is taught to a child, they believe that sex or pleasure is something that needs to be hidden. This in turn can “[manifest in an unconscious habit or holding our breath, or not making any sounds during sex].” There is no shame in masturbating or participating in sex, and there most certainly is no shame in loud breathing or making noise during either act.
Sex coach and sexologist Megwyn White further explains that a reason why people hold their breath or change their breathing patterns in the build-up to orgasm is due to the overwhelming sensation. Holding your breath can help to control the feelings, acting as an “anticipatory cap on what the body perceives it can hold inside of that moment.” If neither of these reasons resonates with you, then take a moment to do some self-reflection.
Role of Breath During Sex: Could anxiety play a role?
Is there something you are holding onto during sex? Erikson notes that unnoticed anxiety can be a reason for holding your breath during sex, it can be a “subtle indication that your nervous system is a reaction to something that is perceived as threatening.” This threat could be anything, from an unpleasant thought or emotion to a sensation. It is this resistance that leads to a shift in your breathing pattern.
Whilst holding your breath or taking shallow ones doesn’t seem like it would be that important, it plays a huge role in sex, especially on a physiological level. When you are taking big and deep breaths, you are relaxing the autonomic nervous system which governs sexual response and encourages the engorgement of genital erectile tissue. However, holding your breath or taking short ones can do the complete opposite, doing more harm than good. Fast and shallow breathing can send your body into a “fight or flight” response, tricking you into thinking there is a threat and in turn result in stress rather than relaxation. This increase in adrenaline and impact on the autonomic nervous system negatively impact sex or masturbation and can prevent you from reaching orgasm.
The Role of Breath During Sex: How to practice
It is no easy task to change your breathing during sex, especially when it comes so naturally. One way to practice your mindful breathing and get used to deep breathing is to apply it during masturbation. Doing so can allow you to get accustomed to what you are doing, and with practice, it can become secondhand during partnered sex. When practicing during solo sessions, draw your breaths out and see how the sensations change. Take time and be patient when working out what breathing variation works best for you. Whilst the most common technique is to breathe in through the nose, and out the mouth, a different variation may feel best for you. It’s going to take some practice, but you’ll get there.
If you are still struggling to incorporate this new technique, another way to practice mindful breathing is through “synchronized breathing.” As the name suggests, it is done by matching your breathing pattern with your partner—inhaling and exhaling simultaneously. This is a common practice in tantric sex and can not only improve your connection with your partner but extend your pleasurable moments. Slowing down your breathing can mean that orgasms come at a slower rate, but this is all part of the learning process—you will get there eventually. You may find yourself on the edge of an orgasm, but not being able to reach this. Much like edging, the longer you stay near this edge, the more intense the orgasm can be.
Build or Calm Your Sexual Energy
As mentioned throughout this article, learning to change the way and rate at which you breathe is going to take practice. Remember that sensations may feel different, and sex may take a little longer than you are used to—but the payoff will totally be worth it. When you have found the breathing technique that works for you, whether that is belly breathing or synchronized breathing, you now have the ability to build or calm your sexual energy during sex. If you have more questions about the role of breath during sex, ask a sex therapist! Sex therapists are professionals who are knowledgeable in sexuality topics. The sex therapists at ReSpark Group are here to help!
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By Stephanie McCartney