Sex Club Etiquette

There’s a common misconception that sex clubs are a place where manners don’t exist. Going off of this belief, individuals also tend to believe those attending sex clubs “to be sex-crazed and unsatisfied individuals searching for pop sex bodies.” (fantasyapp) This is not the case! While sex clubs are places of both work and pleasure- they should be recognized as a valid place of work before anything else. In this sense, manners are just as important in a sex club as they would be in any other type of venue. There is a certain type of etiquette that one should follow when attending a club to ensure that all interactions are consensual and have the potential to be pleasurable. More than this, it’s crucial to adhere to a particular etiquette to ensure that you are respecting the minds and bodies of all of those around you. In an article on the Fantasy App’s website- an app for users in looking to explore non-monogamy- there are 8 rules listed for proper sex club etiquette. These rules do not encompass the entirety of such an etiquette but they do cover a lot of important points. 

 

Sex Club Etiquette Rules

Sex Clubs are a place for people go to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, and fun setting! The first rule of sex club etiquette then is to immerse yourself in the atmosphere of consensual kink and pleasure with people you may not know. 

• Got in? Have fun!–the rule of kinky parties’ pleasure atmosphere

This first rule is useful for those who are first-time visitors to a sex club, as the experience can be intimidating for a lot of us. Ensure that you are going into a sex club with a positive mindset and don’t bring negative, judgemental energy into the club- everybody is there to feel accepted. 

• Sex clubs rule of refusal: “no” means “no”

This second rule is the golden rule and should not be broken in any circumstances. Sex clubs function on the same principles of intimacy in everyday life- consent is absolutely necessary and should be received before the initiation of any sex acts. It’s noted that “ In sex clubs, the right to indecent behavior is awarded with your entrance ticket. Therefore, visitors of a sex-positive party expect that after the first “no” they shall no longer be haunted with proposals.” (fantasyapp)

• The rule of communication: don’t hesitate to take initiative

This rule is one that might not be easy for everyone- myself included. Sometimes I have days where my social anxiety is through the roof and the prospect of taking initiative when it comes to sex with a stranger doesn’t seem plausible. It’s okay if you struggle with taking initiative, but try to keep an open mind! Even if you are shy, try to go up to someone with the sole intention of simply getting to know them- there is no rush; “usually you need to first spend some time next to a person, feel their smell, touch them to feel the ‘chemistry of the intercourse’.” (fantasyapp) 

• The rule of politeness: no do’s without permission

This rule is similar to number 3, in the sense that you need clear vocal consent in a sex club in order to engage in sex. Mark, a 35-year-old man, talks of his experience with permission in sex clubs:

“Sometimes I just give a smile while people treat it as my desire to join them. I see a couple having sex and take great pleasure in watching the scene, but they stop to come up to me and suggest I join them. Damn, all I wanted was just watching!” (fantasyapp)

Some club regulars, like Mark, like to take initiative themselves and feel as if they should not be included in sex acts until they express a clear vocal desire to do so. It’s important to adhere to consent rules in sex clubs and to respect the boundaries of those around you. 

• The rule of swingers party image: create your kinky image

This rule is best left summarized by the fantasy app article; “Not all kink and swingers clubs rules allow guests to stay naked. Rather on the contrary-organizers welcome exquisite costumes while the naked body is too lazy an approach. Moreover, the demand for kinky dresses is met by kinky markets all over the world. Some clubs create and sell kinky clothes on their own.” (fantasyapp) The most important thing is to wear whatever you feel comfortable in but to put some effort into your image, as it’s a part of the culture and excitement in sex clubs. 

• The rule of truth: don’t stretch the truth

Rule number 6 is all about honesty. For some, sex clubs are a dating venue. In this sense, it’s important to paint an authentic image of yourself if you are talking to someone on a more personal level as “Sometimes desire to impress provokes one’s extending the truth.” (fantasyapp) The amount of private details one wants to reveal is up to them but it’s not proper etiquette to lie in a club; if you don’t want someone to know any personal details just don’t share any! 

• The rule of the moment: don’t expect things to continue

Rule number 7 is all about boundaries; “Fastening hopes to continuing the night with someone you’ve met in a kinky club lies against the principles of sex-positive community.”  (fantasyapp) The article also explains this rule very well:

“Caressing that happens in the kinky atmosphere is not a promise of the second date: the one who was tenderly kissing and touching me 10 minutes ago is not sure to do it again, neither today not the next month. Sex clubs rules also tell what things shall be like after the party.”  (fantasyapp) 

• The rule of secrecy: what happens at a sex party stays at a sex party

Rule number 8 is about trust, as what happens at a sex club should stay in a sex club. Most parties don’t allow cell phones and those that do typically feel that one’s cellphone should only be used to record the contact information of anyone you want to befriend. However, it’s important to note that the culture at sex clubs is not reliant on the formation of a relationship outside of the club. Instead, sex club etiquette tells us to live in the moment during our experience at a club and to keep our pleasurable encounters to ourselves.