How to Boost Intimacy After a Long Dry Spell

What is a relationship dry spell?

Dry spells are a normal part of any relationship- they happen to the best of us. It’s hard to maintain a consistent sex life with the stressors and business of day-to-day life. A dry spell is an extended period of time in which you don’t have any form of sex or intimacy with your partner(s). It’s common for dry spells to occur, especially in long-term relationships. As time passes, the initial honeymoon phase of passion begins to fade, and it’s hard to maintain an exuberant sex life with your partner(s).

If you’ve found yourself in a dry spell, don’t fret, we at ReSpark Group are here with some advice on how to boost intimacy after a long dry spell. The first step to boosting intimacy is to stop comparing your current sex life to how things used to be at the beginning of your relationship. An article on Good Therapy by licensed couples therapist Carolynn Aristone, MSW, LCSW, notes that “If you habitually compare your current sex life to ‘how much we used to do it,’ you may set up future sexual encounters as failures”. Comparison creates negative energy that won’t be helpful to the current state of your relationship. Aristone goes on to provide 8 great tips for boosting intimacy in the article, I’ll list the most important ones here.

How To Survive a Dry Spell

1. Talk about the Dry Spell

• Communication is key when it comes to dealing with any issues in your relationship, especially ones in the bedroom. Aristone talks of how a sexual dry spell can easily become a painful elephant in the room. It’s essential for you to break the ice and talk about your feelings and desires with your partner(s). Aristone recommends to “Note what you miss sexually (whether it’s about yourself or your partner). Talk about what you look forward to when desire returns.”

2. Value emotional connection as much as sexual 

• Good sex thrives on an intense emotional connection. It’s essential that you value your emotional connection as much as your sexual connection because the two are intertwined; they play off of each other. If you find that your sex life is diminishing, it may be because you don’t feel as emotionally connected to your partner. A way you can remedy this is by having “…more intimate conversations, ask each other about how your relationship feels, share with one another, express gratitude, complement each other, and treat each other kindly and with respect.”

3. Acknowledge your partner’s desires even if you don’t act on them

• It’s common for there to be a difference in sexual desire in relationships, but it’s important to respect your partner’s(s) needs and desires even if they are different than yours. It’s also important to remember the rules of consent, though- you never have to act on your partner’s (s) desires if they don’t match yours. What you can do is appreciate your partner’s interest in you. Aristone asks the following: Can you appreciate that, after all this time together, your partner still desires you?

4. Expand your definition of sex 

• A great way to boost intimacy is to try new things in the bedroom. Aristone notes that “Partners typically view sex through the narrow definition of intercourse or penetration where at least one person experiences orgasm.” She recommends changing how you think about sex, rather than focusing on the little intimacies of pleasure. Remember that there’s so much more to sex than penetration; you could try spending more time on oral sex or just doing makeout sessions. You can even try to incorporate sex games into your sex life; anything to spice things up! 

By: Alyssa Morterud

How ReSpark Group Therapists Help Boost Intimacy After a Long Dry Spell

Every relationship goes through phases, and it’s not uncommon for couples to experience a “dry spell” when it comes to sex and intimacy. Life stressors, parenting, mental health challenges, and shifting priorities can all contribute to a drop in sexual connection. While these periods are normal, they can also bring up feelings of disconnection, frustration, or even fear about the relationship’s future. At ReSpark Therapy, our clinicians specialize in helping couples work through these moments with compassion and clarity.

The first step is understanding that a dry spell doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with either partner. Our therapists are trained in sex-positive, trauma-informed care, and we don’t rush couples into fixing the issue with quick tips or generic advice. Instead, we explore the deeper emotional and relational dynamics that might be contributing to the lull. Is there unresolved tension? Is someone feeling unseen or unheard? Are outdated sexual scripts creating pressure instead of pleasure?

Tools to Help Boost Intimacy After a Long Dry Spell

At ReSpark, we work with each partner to help them reconnect to their own desires. This might involve unpacking past experiences, shifting communication patterns, or helping them redefine what intimacy means in this stage of life. Sometimes, a dry spell signals a need to renegotiate the role of sex in the relationship—and that’s okay. Our goal is to help couples co-create a sex life that feels authentic and mutually satisfying.

Some of the tools we offer include:

• Emotionally focused couples therapy to rebuild trust and emotional safety

• Sex therapy techniques to reignite desire and explore new forms of connection

• Psychoeducation around responsive desire, libido mismatches, and stress impacts

• Exercises that foster intimacy beyond just physical touch

At ReSpark, we believe sexual connection is about more than just frequency—it’s about presence, vulnerability, and shared pleasure. Whether you’re newly navigating a dry spell or have been stuck for years, our therapists are here to help you reconnect in meaningful ways.

If you and your partner are ready to break the silence and reignite your connection, we invite you to reach out. You deserve support that honors your relationship’s unique needs.

So what are my next steps?

• Find Your Perfect Therapist Match Quiz to connect with a therapist who gets you!
• Click here to book a consultation with one of our expert Therapists.

ReSpark ReCap: How to Boost Intimacy After a Long Dry Spell

To boost intimacy after a long dry spell, start with open, judgment-free communication about your needs and desires. Focus on rebuilding emotional connection through quality time, affection, and vulnerability. Gradually reintroduce physical touch and explore new ways of being intimate that feel safe and exciting for both partners.