Can I do Couples Therapy if my Partner Won’t Go?

One of our most asked questions is, “Can I do Couples Therapy if my Partner Won’t Go?” Our short answer: Yes, you can certainly book an appointment with one of our therapists even if your partner doesn’t want to join! However, deciding between going to couples therapy or individual counseling will reside on who is consenting to attend. The sexual health principle of consent derives from a basic ethical tenet that all therapists must follow: autonomy. In this blog, we will delve into the nature of deciding which type of therapy you should begin and what route can be taken if couples therapy is not agreed upon. 

Their Decision

So you want to go to therapy, but your partner doesn’t. How does one navigate this dilemma? Let’s first explore the ethical principles of therapy: Autonomy, Benevolence, Fidelity, Justice, and Nonmaleficence. Autonomy is the principle that addresses respect for independence and self-determination. The essence of this principle is allowing an individual the freedom of choice and action. The freedom of choice being a principle we as therapists uphold guides us in understanding client’s rights in the therapeutic process. We maintain the autonomous value for all clients, including those who are in either individual or couple’s counseling. Since autonomy allows for power of selection, it’s important to respect and honor your partner’s choice. Having a discussion is always recommended, and in the case of deciding whether you’ll go to therapy together, the conversation is necessary. 

Maybe they are ready to take that next step, maybe they need more time, or maybe they do not want to go. Any answer must be respected, and one should not decide for the other(s) to go. While their answer(s) may be a let down, we must remember they have autonomy in their decision, and respect if they say no. Similar to the concept of consent, taking their answer seriously is of utmost importance, even if you disagree or want different outcomes. 

If They Said No

 

If they say no, this does not mean you cannot still attend therapy! I see many clients that are wanting support in their relationships without having their partner(s) as a part of the process. Individual counseling is effective in its own realm, by building a safe, supportive professional relationship where you can still explore all of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Your experience in therapy will be tailored to your personal experiences and preferences. This means you can learn all of the relational skills and resources with a therapist, even when in individual counseling! For example, you may have wanted to enter couples therapy to learn communication tactics, how your attachment styles work together, or how your differing libidos affect your sex life. While you may have envisioned the process with your partner, you are still able to gain all of these skills and the self-introspection you were originally looking for. Additionally, individual therapy can provide clarity and support in making decisions about the relationship, especially if there are concerns or challenges that need to be addressed. Overall, individual therapy is an effective resource that allows you to set personal goals and boundaries. Understanding your needs and desires can help facilitate healthier interactions with your partner(s). 

 

Can I do Couples Therapy if my Partner Won’t Go? Should I still go to Counseling? 

 

Many people benefit from individual counseling when they are wanting to deep-dive more into their personal way of being, as it is still helpful to gain this insight for your relationships. How you transform in the therapy room will not go unnoticed; these reflections, insights, skills, and growth will shine in your reality.  When you work on yourself, other people around you usually see the change. We encourage you to take responsibility for your contributions to the relationship dynamic. If you work on changing your behaviors and actions, you will inevitably change the relationship. If the dynamic between you and your partner shifts, the relationship as a whole also shifts. And if the relationship shifts, that means you both shift. Your growth may even encourage your partner(s) to rethink attending therapy. Even if your partner is not interested in therapy, we hope you take the next step in improving yourself and how people will interact with you!

 

Although couples counseling is intended for enhancing your relationships, individual counseling also has the ability to help you transform connections. Self-work will show up in the relationship and ultimately make an impact on the dynamics you share with others.

Ready to meet your relational needs and goals? Book with us today!