How Sex Therapy Can Help You Through Gender Transition and Exploration

Sex therapy can be beneficial for individuals going through any kind of gender transition. Whether you’re looking to change your gender identity entirely or you simply want to explore your relationship with gender, a sex therapist can be an excellent resource for you. The reality is that gender is a complicated construct, and most individuals do not fit into the female/male binary put forth by society. Whether it’s not working into the role assigned to you, feeling uncomfortable with stereotypes, or struggling with parts of your body, many people grapple with some aspect of their gender identity. A sex therapist can provide you with gender therapy, which focuses on the social, mental, emotional, and physical needs of those who are beginning or have already begun their gender transition journey

Some of these needs may include:

• questioning gender

•  uncomfortable with aspects of their gender or body

• experiencing gender dysphoria

• seeking gender-affirming interventions

• don’t exclusively identify with their designated sex at birth

Gender therapy with a sex therapist can be helpful for anyone who feels confined by traditional gender roles and stereotypes, anyone who wants to develop a deeper understanding of their identity, and anyone who wants to create a deeper connection to their body. As with most things, everyone’s needs are different so gender therapy is tailored to each individual and may include elements of psychotherapy, case management, education, advocacy, and consultations with other providers.

Sex therapist Rae McDaniel, LCPC, CST, is one of these therapists who helps individuals transition or explore their gender identity with “more ease, joy, curiosity, and pleasure.” McDaniel believes that by reframing the gender narrative so it’s not a restrictive barrier that needs to be pushed back against, but a concept from which we can all be liberated gender transition becomes more of an opportunity than a challenge. In response to this, they created the Gender Freedom Model (GFM), which works to reduce self-doubt at every turn of the transition journey—with the operative word being “journey,” because transitioning is precisely that. They provide three pillars for the transition process that you can explore with your therapist. The first pillar is to explore your identity through curiosity and experimentation. The GFM notes that the gender transition process is rooted in experimentation and that you don’t have to define your gender identity as concrete. Instead, McDaniel suggests exploring your gender identity in a series of steps and sticking with the constructions of gender that feel right to you and disregarding the ones that don’t. Through McDaniel’s Gender Freedom Model, you will be guided through this exploration process and help you find what aspects of gender work for your identity and what parts don’t. 

The second pillar of this model is that you deserve pleasure, no matter what type of body you have. Feeling uncomfortable or disconnected from your physicality is a common and natural part of the gender-transition process. A way to help validate your pleasure when you’re exploring your gender is to expand your definition of sex to include not just pleasure from genitals and not just partnered intercourse, either—a process that McDaniel calls “queering up sex.” The third pillar is agency and autonomy t of your gender transition or exploration. You–no one else–is in charge of your gender transition. Due to the dominance of stereotypes perpetuated by the male/female gender binary, it can often be hard to feel in control of your gender transition journey. It is essential to reframe the gender-transition experience to consider what elements are firmly within your control. Sex therapists like Respark’s team can help you be an agent of your transition by reaffirming your experiences throughout your journey. It can be challenging to transcend gender stereotypes when transitioning from one gender to a different gender, whether male, female, or non-binary. A sex therapist can help you create your definition of gender independent of society’s perception of gender roles.  

While looking for a sex therapist for gender therapy, it’s important to remember that no therapist has the power to tell you who you are. You have the right to explore the construct of gender in whatever way feels comfortable to you. However, a sex therapist should provide information and support to help you better understand and connect with core aspects of yourself. Gender therapy should focus on supporting your personal experience and relationship with your body. A sex therapist should be non-judgemental, create treatment goals for you and help you get support through your gender transition. Gender therapy is often a great place to start when going through a gender transition or exploration, but psychotherapy can also be helpful; a certified sex therapist can provide both for you. Psychotherapy is essential during the gender transition or exploration process because of all of the emotional changes when exploring your gender. It can be challenging to grapple with the construct of gender mentally, especially when trying to find which definition works for you. On any journey, it is critical to have someone there with you to help you along the way. No matter what, remember that you are not alone, and your sex therapist will guide you every step of the way. 

By Alyssa Morterud