What to do if Sex is Painful?

Pain during sex is very common and it can easily put a damper on your sex life. If you’re experiencing pain during sex you’re not alone. There is a multitude of reasons as to why a person may experience pain during sex. The first thing you should do is see your doctor in order to rule out any medical conditions that can cause sex to be painful such as an STI or endometriosis. Signs you should see a physician include:

• Pain with vaginal penetration

• Marked pain during any genital contact

• Marked fear or anxiety about vulvovaginal or pelvic pain in anticipation of, during, or as a result of genital contact

• Overactivity of pelvic floor muscles with or without genital contact (henryford)

 If you find out the cause of your pain is something that can be treated medically it’s best to hold off from penetration until your condition is properly treated with medications. 

Pain during sex may “also be caused by problems with sexual response, such as a lack of desire ( the feeling of wanting to have sex) or a lack of arousal ( the physical and emotional changes that occur in the body as a result of sexual stimulation.)” (acog.org) A sex therapist can help you combat problems with sexual response by talking you through targeted exercises, either alone or with partners. You could feel a lack of desire or arousal for a number of reasons. It’s known that “painful sex often results from both physical and emotional factors.” (henryford) For example, you may feel an emotional disconnect to your partner(s) leading to a lack of desire which can, in turn, cause sex to be painful. You may also be on medications, such as antidepressants, which can mess with your body’s sexual response and make it so that you don’t desire sex and have issues with arousal. No matter your situation, there are steps that you can take to make sex less painful. 

How to Combat Painful Sex 

• Use a lubricant. “Water-soluble lubricants are a good choice if you experience vaginal irritation or sensitivity. Silicone-based lubricants last longer and tend to be more slippery than water-soluble lubricants. Do not use petroleum jelly, baby oil, or mineral oil with condoms. They can dissolve the latex and cause the condom to break.”  (acog.org) 

 

• Talk to your partner. “Tell your partner where and when you feel pain, as well as what activities you find pleasurable”.(acog.org) Communicating about painful sex can enhance intimacy and may help combat any emotional factors that are contributing to a lack of sexual response. 

 

• Try sexual activities that do not cause pain. For example, if intercourse is painful, “you and your partner may want to focus on oral sex or mutual masturbation”. (acog.org) In this sense, you can expand your definition of sex to include more than just penetration. You could even try nonsexual, but sensual, activities like massage.

 

• Take pain-relieving steps before sex: “empty your bladder, take a warm bath, or take an over-the-counter pain reliever before intercourse.” (acog.org) You could also try to incorporate CBD-based lubricant or flower into your sex routine, this can be a great pain relief tool. 

 

Overall, sex should never be painful. If you’re experiencing pain during sex there is a cause for your pain and there are ways in which you can try to make things more comfortable. Always make sure to rule out a medical condition first with a licensed medical provider! As long as there aren’t any health issues causing pain/ discomfort during sex then you can try some of the above tips to help combat painful intercourse. 

 

By: Alyssa Morterud