Infidelity and Affairs
Evidence-Based, Compassionate Therapy for Individuals or Couples
ReSpark Group is a premier therapy practice, with industry-leading clinicians, helping clients with relationships and sexual wellness. With ReSpark, you get the benefits of working with one of the biggest couples therapy and sex therapy groups in the country. All clinicians receive continuous supervision, consultation, and advanced education. ReSpark offers evidence-based, effective therapy and coaching. Clinicians obtain world-class sex therapy and couples therapy training from the Sexual Health Alliance.
Our team personally matches every patient with an expert who has the right personality and education for the best outcomes. Your time is valuable, and it's our goal for you to quickly develop rapport with someone who is a good fit for you and your needs.
What is therapy for infidelity and affairs?
A valuable portion of sex therapy and couples sex therapy is the conversation about sexual exploration in the relationship and negotiating changes. Improving communication is a critical first step for many couples and in Respark’s Therapy for Infidelity and Affairs, you will practice the skills to talk about issues in a productive way–all to spark hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. Working through an affair requires tremendous work, openness, and vulnerability on all parties–those who participated in the affair and those who feel affected by the affair.
Please note that the truth might not come out all at once. This can be a painful process; one that can bring fear and doubt, uncertainty, and potential shame, all of which you and your Respark therapist will work to reduce. Understanding how to address what happened and how to grow through the event can take time. Your therapist may suggest creating a new relationship agreement between you and your partners as the old agreement, whether spoken or unspoken, is now moot.
How long does it take to recover from an affair or infidelity?
When it comes to getting through an instance of infidelity, there are two types of questions that arise: Some questions require an answer in order for both or all parties to move forward, but other questions may have answers that won’t assist in the healing of the situation and instead add fire to the flames. When it feels like the healing process is taking “too long” and you feel the need to question the timeline, speak with your partner and Respark therapist in a safe setting. Adding pressure to the timeline of healing can be detrimental to the work you’ve already put in. Remember, Respark’s affair recovery therapy can help tease apart the types of questions, approach them in meaningful ways, and discover productive answers.
There is no one cause for an affair–the reason varies greatly from person to person, situation to situation. For many, an affair can come after a great loss, which can trigger the desire to seek something new. For others, they might feel bored with their current relationship or want to feel desired and wanted again. They might want someone to look at them the same way their partner looked at them at the beginning of their relationship. Lack of attention or the loss of connection between you and your partner can bring up feelings of inadequacy and secretive relationships.
Sometimes an affair or incident of alleged infidelity is a direct result of the current relationship, while other times it has nothing to do with the current relationship at all. As humans, we have a deep desire to be loved and wanted. When we feel that these needs are no longer being met, instead of turning to communication–or fear of rejection or shame from their partner–some may form relationships outside the couples’ contract.
Just want a therapist that is knowledgeable and affirming?
Clients tell us we're friendly, down to earth and approach therapy in a collaborative manner. We offer a holistic, gentle yet direct, and tailored approach that includes well-researched theories with a relational foundation. Together, we will learn new techniques, assign at-home exercises, reading assignments, conduct in-session guided exercises and other activities that make therapy and coaching fun and productive. We'll work together to form an approach that will be tailored to your goals. Leading researchers, including Esther Perel, Brené Brown, John Gottman, David Schnarch, David Ley, Chris Donaghue, and Marty Klein influence our therapeutic work with couples and individuals. Additionally, as AASECT-Certified Sex Therapists, we will work toward improving intimacy, strengthening communication skills, and communicating your desires.
What qualifies as infidelity or an affair?
Infidelity and affairs can either destroy a relationship or provide a vehicle for relationship growth. It might be hard to believe the latter considering the pain and hurt that you might be feeling. No matter what, it can be a very rocky road to recovery.
What is an emotional affair? What is a sexual affair? Does it matter? Either way, the hurt is real and can be extremely painful. Just thinking about what happened can bring tears and/or intense or angry fights.
Infidelity and affairs happen when trust is compromised. The common thread in all types of affairs and in infidelity is “not knowing.” Something happens outside the primary relationship that the other person is not privy to. There are secrets that create distrust and hurt.
There are many different ways an affair or infidelity can occur. Below are 5 different types of affairs we’ve seen in our office at Respark.
At Respark, we will help you sort through the questions and the emotions as well as help you figure out a path to healing. Although individual therapy can be helpful, we recommend Couples Therapy.
Emotional Affair
This type of affair usually involves feelings and emotions. Love can be a part of an emotional affair. There’s a connection and emotional attachment that either isn’t acceptable in a relationship or that the other partner does not know about - or both.
Casual Affair
This can be an ongoing casual affair where there might be a friendship aspect to the relationship but it’s not romantic or serious. It could be a “friends with benefits” relationship or a hook up.
Online Affair
An online affair can be accomplished through chatting in email, on a webcam or through a social media account and so on. There can be many ways a person can have an online affair. For example: An instagram affair usually involves private chat on the app that can be deeply personal, entail an emotional connection and/or have sexual elements.
Sexual Affair
A sexual affair can be sometimes defined as strictly sexual. There might not be an emotional connection or a deep friendship involved.
Agreed Upon Affair
Of course there can be different types of affairs where it is agreed upon and consented to by all parties. This is typically not called an affair in traditional definition. These are agreements that can fall under a consensual non-monogamy agreement.
At Respark, we will help you sort through the questions and the emotions as well as help you figure out a path to healing. Although individual therapy can be helpful, we recommend couples therapy.
Testimonial
“We are so so so grateful for Respark. The progress we've made, and continue to make, in just 3 months feels immense and exciting. It's hard and not always fun, but our therapist makes us feel safe, heard, and then gives us to tools to work on the tough stuff. We couldn't ask for better and can't even put into works how much we value our time with her. Life changing and so worth it.”