Understanding and Assisting with Sexual Needs Postpartum 

After giving birth, sex may be one of the last things on your mind, as you’re currently consumed with caring for your new child and dealing with all of the life changes that one experiences postpartum. There are a lot of changes that your body may go through both during and after the experience of childbirth, most of which won’t get you in the mood for sex. It’s crucial for both you and your partner(s) to be gentle with your body and allow it to heal from the trauma of childbirth. In addition to postpartum discharge and vaginal tears, you might experience fatigue, vaginal dryness, pain, and low sexual desire. If you had a vaginal tear that required surgical repair, you might need to wait even longer. 

There is no true timeline for when it’s the right time for you to start engaging in intimacy again. While there’s no required waiting period before you can have sex again, many health care providers recommend waiting to have sex until four to six weeks after delivery, regardless of the delivery method. This is primarily because the risk of having a complication after delivery is highest during the first two weeks after delivery. You want to ensure that you are providing your body with enough time to heal. Still, even after the six weeks of healing, you may still not feel like having sex or having painful or uncomfortable sex. This is perfectly normal and okay, as it will take every person a different amount of time before they feel ready for intimacy after giving birth to a child. One of the most common symptoms you may experience postpartum is lowered libido. If you want to work on overcoming this symptom and get your libido back to where it was pre-baby you’ve come to the right place. We at Respark are here to help you understand what sexual needs you may be met with postpartum and explain some ways to address these needs. 

Addressing Low Libido Post Partum

First off, remember that many new moms experience low libido after having a baby: Breastfeeding, physical recovery, and postpartum fatigue can affect how you’re feeling. There are many reasons that can contribute to low libido post-pregnancy such as the current state of flux for your hormones. Major hormonal shifts can make you feel off-balance in the postpartum period. This is especially true if you’re breastfeeding. When you’re nursing, estrogen production decreases, which can lead to vaginal dryness. That can make you feel like you’re not physically ready for sex, although using lube can help ease any physical discomfort. One way to address this is of course to speak to your physician; they will be able to test your hormones and make sure that everything is in check. Moreover, your doctor will also be able to make sure your body is physically healing correctly. This can be another thing that contributes to a lowered libido postpartum. It’s true that your body is healing from trauma, especially if you had a perineal tear or a c-section. It’s also true that sexual intercourse can be uncomfortable or even painful for a mother after childbirth and this is perfectly normal but could be another reason why you may not feel like having sex. The first step to addressing these problems is to first check everything over with your doctor. If they clear you for intercourse then you may just need to give yourself more time to adjust to your new postpartum body. One way to do this is to engage in intimacy with your partner in other ways. Remember that penetrative sex is not the only form of sex or intimacy. 

One way to ease yourself back into sex postpartum is through a process called sensate focus. Sensate focus is a type of sex therapy that focuses on the process of touching and being touched. It works on sensual feelings as opposed to sexual feelings, helping you feel stimulation not just in your genitals, but all over your body. You’ll learn to manage anxious thoughts like body worries, new mom chores, what the other person is thinking, and make way for your body to just do its thing uninterrupted. This then leads to more pleasurable experiences. The aim of sensate focus is to cause a temporary paradigm shift in the brain and how it views sex. This type of sex therapy focuses completely on the touch and asks that participants stay away from penetrative sex while doing the exercises until they get further along in your plan, so this is the perfect way to build back up to sex in a fun and low-pressure way. This abstinence from penetrative sex will take the pressure off you and will make it so that you will be able to focus more intensely on your body and your connection with your partner. Sensate focus therapy may help you to connect with your body and partner in a way that reignites your libido. If not, it’s definitely a good place to start as it can enhance your intimacy with your partner. 

Respark’s Quick Guide to Sex Post Partum

Once you do get your libido back, or if you want to try engaging in sex to help reignite your libido, there will be some things that you should expect. There is a multitude of postpartum sex experiences, and every woman is different. You may experience: 

• Vaginal soreness or pain
• Vaginal dryness
• Discharge
• Breast discomfort and nipple soreness
• Backaches and overall achiness
• Joint pain
• Incision pain or numbness (if you’ve had a C-section)

It’s important to address any of these discomforts and not move too fast. The first tip when it comes to postpartum sex is to take things slow and easy. Your sex life will come back but it’s easy to give your body permission to take things slow in the process. Lube is also your friend when engaging in postpartum sex; it can help ease any discomfort or vaginal dryness as a result of breastfeeding. Another way to combat pain during postpartum sex is to be mindful of the positions you’re trying. Spooning sex, for example, doesn’t put a lot of pressure on the vagina and maybe more comfortable for your body. 

Another thing to remember when engaging in postpartum sex is that you can still get pregnant! You can get pregnant again before you even have your first postpartum period — it’s technically possible to go from one pregnancy to another without having a period in between. Remember that it’s recommended to wait at least 18 months between pregnancies, as this gives your body time to fully heal before getting pregnant again, which can help reduce the risk of issues such as premature birth. Since it’s difficult to know exactly when you’ll ovulate before you start having sex again, speak with your doctor at your postpartum checkups about birth control options if you’re trying to prevent pregnancy. If you’re using an IUD you can start using this method of contraception immediately after pregnancy. With others, such as combined hormonal methods like the pill or the patch, you have to wait at least three or four weeks before you start due to the higher risk of blood clots immediately following birth as the estrogen in these methods can bump that risk up a bit. Furthermore, not all contraception options are breastfeeding-friendly so be sure to speak with your doctors about which method works for you if you choose to breastfeed. For example, the traditional birth control pill is not necessarily safe if you’re breastfeeding as the heightened estrogen levels could impact your milk supply. You may want to consider other forms of birth control such as condoms, the shot, or the copper IUD. Contraception in postpartum sex is definitely a must, as you don’t want to get pregnant again before your body is ready to handle it. 

Another issue you may face during postpartum sex is that things may simply feel different. There are multiple reasons why this could happen and it may just be because your body has just gone through a massive change.  While you may begin to feel excited to start having sex again, remember that you’re testing the waters—and the reality of your first few times getting intimate might not quite meet your expectations. As I noted before, lubricant is definitely your friend in making sex feel more pleasurable postpartum. Lubrication will heighten sensation, and the feeling of wetness of your vulva is incredibly sensual and it makes things smoother and more pleasurable for you and your partner. Foreplay is an additional way to relax and get into the mood. Communication with your partner is also key—tell them what feels right and what feels wrong for your body. Together, you can figure out what is pleasurable for your new body and find a new way to engage in sex that feels good for you. It’s important to set boundaries with your partner when it comes to your body. You can say, “I’m not ready for the kind of sex we used to have, but I’ll let you know what I am ready for.” Communicating effectively is going to help you have a thriving sex life postpartum. It’s how you strengthen your relationship and create safety for your body.

By Alyssa Morterud