How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex
Let’s face it, talking to kids about sex is daunting. Movies and TV shows depict this type of conversation as a singular, big event. “The talk.” However, most experts agree it’s best to talk about sex early and often, weaving in more information as kids get older. You want your conversations about sex to develop with them. Unsurprisingly, the way you should talk to your kids about sex depends on their age. Let’s get into it!
How to Talk to Your Early Age Elementary Kids about Sex
At this age, it’s not necessary to go too much into the nitty-gritty. Instead, start teaching about personal space and boundaries. Children should learn that they must have consent to touch other people and that they should not let anyone touch their private parts. This is also a good age to introduce the words “penis” and “vagina” as you would any other body part. If you want to use a cuter word, go for it—the goal is just for children to not associate their genitals with shame or embarrassment.
How to Talk to Your Elementary School Kids about Sex
This is generally the age where you’ll get asked some of the big questions. It’s important to think before you speak because how you respond might actually be more important than what you respond. You don’t want to dismiss them or make them feel ashamed for asking. When a child asks a question that feels big, it’s useful to respond to them with another question to understand how much they already know. This also shows your child that it’s okay to ask questions while giving you a second to reflect before you respond.
At this age, it’s also encouraged to talk about crushes, love, and relationships. This lays the foundation for an open dialogue around intimacy when they begin to explore their sexuality. When children hit around 5th grade, it’s time to talk about puberty and how their bodies will change so that they can be prepared.
Middle Schoolers
Ah, middle school. This unique time is generally when most kids start learning about the mechanics of sex. It’s important that they learn the function of sex in terms of reproduction, but also that sex can be for intimacy and pleasure. This is a great time to stress the importance of consent and mutually respectful relationships, as well as the basics of birth control. Avoid using scare tactics to prevent them from having sex—you don’t want the conversation to be negative. Honestly present the risks and facts associated with sex and ask them if they have questions.
High Schoolers
While you may think teenagers know it all, this is one of the most crucial moments to continue an open dialogue with your children, as this is probably the time that they are sexually active or that they’re seriously considering becoming sexually active. This is the opportunity to readdress the emotional and physical effects of sex, as well as the possibility of peer pressure. Since teens tend to experiment with drugs and alcohol at this age, be sure to emphasize the importance of safe and consensual sex.
All in all…
Sex should be an ongoing conversation between you and your child. Although it may be uncomfortable at times, it is necessary to make your child feel respected, encouraged, and safe when talking about sex. After all, think of how overwhelming, awkward and scary all of this information can be for them! Show that they don’t have to navigate this new world alone—they will feel grateful for your support in the future.