Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse Comedy

This amazing comedy skit acts out scenes referring to examples of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse created by American Scientist John Gottman.

John Gottman spent 40 years in science labs with couples to research and understand many things about sexuality. From his research, John Gottman developed 4 styles of communication that lead to separation and divorce; the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

1. The 1st Horsemen is Criticism and Blame
   • This happens when one partner criticizes or blames another. It’s mean, mean, and totally mean! No one likes mean. 
   • Example: “SERIOUSLY SHIA?! You can’t just leave the spoon in the sink like a normal human being?!”
   • John Gottman explains that a better way to communicate your frustration to your partner  is to say how you feel and what you mean by that. Example: “Shia, it really frustrates me when you leave your dirty spoons on the counter and don’t place them in the sink or dishwasher.”

1. The 2nd Horsemen is Defensiveness 
   • Example: “Hey hon whatcha doin?!”
   •  “Watching THE GAME!” 
   • “Okay well what should we do tonight?!”
   • “WHY DO YOU INSIST ON BOTHERING ME WITH STUFF WHILE IM WATCHING THE GAME!” “Are you serious?! I never interrupt you! You do!”
   • John Gottman explains a better way to navigate this is to accept the responsibility. Explain how you feel and listen to your partner. Accept that their feelings are real about their frustration.

1. The 3rd Horsemen is Stonewalling
   1. Stonewalling is when one partner shuts down and stops communication altogether – other partner feels like they are talking to a stonewall.
   2. John Gottman says that a better way to communicate with your partner when you’re that frustrated is by having each partner go to a separate corner, calm the body, self soothe, relax. Once both partners have relaxed, they can try to re discuss in a more calm manner.

1. Last but not least, the 4th horsemen is Contempt – Worst Horsemen of All
   1. John Gottman says that the 4th Horsemen Contempt is #1 predictor of divorce
   2. Contempt looks like name-calling, belittling, and simply treating your partner like crap.
   3. Example: “Youre not validating my feelings,” “Because your feelings are stupid!” 
   4. John Gottman explains a better way to do this is to create a culture of fondness and admiration. If there isn’t room for creating loving language, he recommends trying couples therapy!

Need help with any of these issues in your relationship? Call or email us today to get scheduled!

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We have therapists throughout all of Texas and Colorado. We offer the best couples therapy and sex therapy because our team had 200+ hours of training post graduate. Many of them are already certified or about to become certified sex therapists. We have therapists trained in trauma, EMDR, eating disorders and Health at Every Size informed.

I want to become a sex therapist or sexual health professional, how do I do that?
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