Can Sex Therapy Help A Sexless Marriage?
Most people in marriages spend their relationships searching for the secrets to a happy and healthy marriage. As a progressive sex therapy practice, we at Respark know that one of the secrets to a healthy marriage is a strong intimacy bond. It’s important to remember that intimacy does not mean sex! Intimacy looks different in every relationship. As long as there is consent involved, there is no wrong way to be intimate with your partner(s). For those of us in marriages that look to sex as a main form of intimacy, though, this article is for you. It’s often hard to balance the business of every day with the demands of a healthy sex life, especially in a long-term marriage. Sometimes, individuals may find themselves in a sexless marriage. A sexless marriage is “defined as one where sexual intimacy happens less than ten times a year.” (thecenterportland) It’s crucial not to get too hung up on the number of times per year you have sex with your spouse(s) but instead focus on your internal feelings regarding the amount of sex in your marriage. If you and your partner(s) feel like you do not have enough sex in your marriage, then sex therapy may be the solution to your discontent.
How can sex therapy help?
To start, let’s look at how a sexless marriage can develop. The short answer to this question is life; the long answer goes a bit more in-depth:
- “Medical conditions — A partner may have a chronic illness or sexual dysfunction
- Mismatched desire — Sex drive changes over time and desire differences are common
- Stress — Parenting, work, and financial stressors can lead to exhaustion and low desire
- Major life events — Big changes like having a baby or loss of a loved one
- Medications — Some medication side effects include reduced sex drive
- Mental health issues — Struggling with issues like anxiety, trauma, or depression
- Communication struggles — May stem from avoidance, hurt feelings, or assumptions
- Boredom — Over time, sex can turn into a routine, and you may feel in a rut” (thecenterportland)
Sex therapy can provide you and your partner(s) with a safe space to discuss how any of these variables may be impacting your marriage. If you’re struggling with any of the following:
- “Communicating your concerns with your partner
- Understanding the underlying causes of your sexless marriage
- Finding ways to rekindle intimacy
- You’ve been trying to fix the problem but things aren’t getting better” (thecenterportland)
A sex therapist can be a mediator within your relationship and act as a guide through often difficult conversations surrounding intimacy. Moreover, your sex therapist will be able to provide you with constructive solutions to your sexless marriage, which will lead to positive productivity between you and your partner(s). It’s noted that “ over time a relationship can get into a routine. The novelty and excitement just isn’t there anymore, and sexual desire decreases.” (thecenterportland) A sex or couples therapist can help you create that essential time for intimacy with your partner(s) within your busyday-to-day lives. “You may discuss things like finding time to be alone together, having new experiences, learning a new activity together, or scheduling in sex.” (thecenterportland) A sex therapist can also provide you with exercises to help rekindle intimacy and reignite the passion within your relationship.
Remember that no matter what state your marriage is in that sex therapy has the potential to help. In an article for HuffPost sex therapist, Vanessa Marin notes that “once you’ve gotten to a dark place in your relationship, it’s hard to work your way out of it on your own. Being able to ask for help is a huge sign of strength.” (HuffPost) Also, don’t forget that “Sex in marriage fluctuates, and a dry spell isn’t necessarily indicative of irreversible damage.” (fatherly.com) It’s normal to experience a sexless marriage, and there are a multitude of solutions that you can explore with a licensed sex or couples therapist!
By: Alyssa Morterud