Definitions of BDSM and Kink

The terms kink and BDSM are often used to describe sex that is not vanilla or quote-on-quote traditional. When it comes to the actual definitions of the terms, there are differences between the two! Kink is defined as “anything outside of intercourse-based sex between two monogamous partners, particularly when it includes non-traditional desires and fantasies.” (o.school) Whereas BDSM can be defined as “any consensual sexual activity involving bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism (hence the source of the letters B, D, S, and M).” (o.school) Ultimately, the main difference between kink and BDSM is that BDSM typically involves a power dynamic role play, whereas kink includes a broader range of sexual activities. Another way to think about the difference between kink and BDSM is to view BDSM as a form of kink play.  

BDSM

The letters in BDSM refer to bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism:

• “Bondage and discipline refer to restraining and punishing another person through mechanisms including, but not limited to, handcuffs or rope-tying, whipping, spanking, or otherwise physically controlling and impacting a partner.

• Dominance and submission refers to the roles partners take on during this type of sex, and the power each role has in the sexual relationship.
• Sadism refers to the enjoyment of watching someone else experience pain while masochism describes pleasure at feeling your own pain.” (o.school)

A healthy BDSM relationship ALWAYS involves consent. Before one can establish a healthy power play dynamic, it is essential that “ that all partners have consented to the roles they will play and understand the amount of power each will have.” (o.school) In this sense, the definition of a healthy BDSM includes two things: clear consent and clear communication. One way to ensure clear consent and communication during BDSM activities is to have a safe word. Wikipedia defines a safe word as the following:

“In BDSM, a safe word is a code word, series of code words or other signal used by a submissive or bottom to unambiguously communicate their physical or emotional state to a dominant or top, typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary.” 

The only issue with this definition is that safewords are not only for submissive but dommes can also use them!

Kink

Kink is a term used to describe a broader range of sexual activity and fetishes. When it comes to understanding kink, it’s important to note that not all kink involves having sex. Moreover, “kinky activity is often called ‘playing,’ and a session of play is called a ‘scene.’” (smartsexresource) Kink can be about experimenting with different roles that differ from one’s day-to-day life. Like BDSM, kink play can also have a power dynamic incorporated. Kink play with a partner is said to involve two roles generally:

• “One player takes a role guiding the activity, or giving sensation. This partner can be called a top or a Dominant.
• The second player follows the direction given by their partner, or receives the sensation. This partner is usually called a bottom or submissive” (smartsexresource)

The main difference between kink and BDSM in this sense is that kink refers to a broader range of activities “… including fantasy and role play, fetish and giving or receiving sensation.”  (smartsexresource)