What Do Sexual Fantasies Mean?
Sexual fantasies. We all have them, whether we care to admit it or not. Sexual fantasies can be thrilling, but can also feel confusing. You’re not alone! Let’s break down the most common sexual fantasies.
The 7 Most Common Sexual Fantasies
Author and sex researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller sought out to find the most common sexual fantasies in his book “Tell me What you Want.” After surveying 4,175 Americans, he was able to sort sexual fantasies into 7 themes.
- Multipartner sex. (threesomes, orgies, or gang bangs.)
- BDSM (Bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism)
- Novelty/ adventure (something new for an individual, a new location, or a new position)
- Something taboo (public sex, or doing something socially or culturally unacceptable)
- Passion, romance, intimacy (having an intense emotional connection with a partner, feeling loved and desired)
- Being in a non-monogamous relationship (swinging, cuckolding, or being in an open relationship)
- Gender-bending and homoeroticism (challenging your gender identity or sexual orientation)
What do these sexual fantasies reveal to us?
Dr. Lehmiller’s research shows us that sexual fantasies, a lot of the time, are influenced by demographics such as age, gender, race, personality traits, or sexual history. Let’s say you had your first sexual experience on a beach. You might find that your sexual fantasies frequently take place on a beach or outside. However, it’s important to note that these fantasies aren’t necessarily indicators of what you’ll be into forever. Just as we change, so do our fantasies. Certain fantasies can reflect emotional needs and wants. For example, someone who fantasizes about passion and romance may be craving deeper emotional intimacy. Someone who fantasizes about group sex may be seeking attention from others and the thrill of the exhibition.
While research may indicate that fantasies are linked to deeper emotions, sometimes we just have fantasies— and they don’t mean anything! This is especially helpful to remember when we fantasize about something that may make us feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. Not every steamy scenario we come up with in our mind is telling us something deeper. This approach may help us embrace our sexual fantasies, and have a little bit more fun with them.
Why should you fantasize?
Not only is fantasizing fun, but it’s a great way to tune into yourself and your partner sexually. It can be a wonderful opportunity for you to share what you want with your partner, therefore enhancing your sex life and deepening your connection. You may even find that you share similar fantasies and then can act on them together. Or, your fantasy may lead you to masturbation, which is a great way to connect with yourself and your sexuality.
What you do with your fantasies is personal. While they can certainly be analyzed and interpreted, they can also be fun to just sit with. If you’re finding yourself constantly worried or guilty about your fantasies, you may consider seeking out a sex therapist to help you work through these emotions. Our therapists at Respark have specialization in this area and can work with you in a judgment-free environment. Happy fantasizing!
