Why Parents Need to Go To Sex Therapy
By: Alyssa Morterud
Sex therapy can be beneficial to everyone- parents included! Couples therapy is typically recommended for all
marital issues, but being a parent doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re married! With parenting comes a whole list of
other potential issues you and your partner(s) may encounter. A licensed sex or couples therapist can help you navigate
the sometimes rough waters of parenting and sex therapy- and I’m here to tell you how!
What Sex Therapists Want Parents to Know
A loss of passion and a lack of sex after children is totally normal! Esther Perel, author of the book Mating In
Captivity, “every couple with kids faces questions about why parenthood dampens one’s sex life, and whether or not
familiarity erases sexual desire.” The expectations of long-term relationships do not always match the reality of actually
being in a long-term relationship! It’s often difficult that “long-term relationships ask us to continue feeling that sexy
charge—forever—even as we look to the same person for protection safety, financial security, child-rearing assistance,
household co-management, and more.” (parents) At couples therapy or sex therapy, your therapist understands the
pressure of trying to keep the passion alive while raising a family- we are not here to judge! If you’re struggling with intimacy
after having a child then you should seek out couples or sex therapist, as once your children grow up “…you’ll be left with
a partner you will again need to relate to as a person, not just as a parent.” (parents) Sex therapy can be a helpful way to
reignite your spark with your long-term partner.
In an article written by Amy Shearn in Parents magazine, four sex therapists share the most common issues
they see in couples with children. They provide us with the following:
1. “When one partner is always exhausted, it’s hard to get into a sexy frame of
mind.” – Daphne de Marneffe
2. “Parenthood changes our bodies and how we see them.” -Wendy Talley
3. “You may think you know everything about your partner when it comes to
sex, but don’t be too sure.” – Sari Cooper
4. “It’s virtually impossible for two people to want the same amount of sex at
exactly the same time.” -Emily Nagoski (parents)
These issues are just a handful of the common issues seen by practicing sex therapists- and the list is most definitely a
long one! Being able to maintain a healthy sex life in a relationship is hard enough- it’s even more difficult once you toss
children into the mix!
Sex and Parenting
Another reason sex therapy is beneficial for parents is that it can help you become more comfortable talking
about issues concerning sex and sexuality, so you will be able to help your children as they grow. Psychology Today tells
us that “ What children need from their parents is guidance concerning the sexuality-related challenges they confront
from a trusted relationship.” (PsychologyToday) We at Respark couldn’t agree more! Unfortunately, many of us did not
receive adequate sexual education growing up, and as a result, may struggling with helping younger generations come
into their sexuality. A sex therapist can help you and your partner(s) with the fundamentals of sex education- so you can
be prepared to help your children! “The talk” is often the most dreaded talk any parent has to have and it shouldn’t be that
way. One way to make “the talk” more normal is to simply incorporate it into your everyday life, “let the contents of “the
talk” come naturally rather than orchestrating an unusual exchange.” (PsychologyToday) If you’re curious for more ways to
simplify “the talk” look no further than couples therapy or sex therapy- we’re here to help!