The Art of Tantra

By Respark | October 4, 2020

The Art of Tantra: An exercise for individuals and/or partners

By: Robyn Flores, MS, LPCC Schedule an online appointment with Robyn HERE

What is Tantra? The quick answer is that Tantra can be a practice of personal liberation and mindfulness. It views both the human body and earthly life as authentic manifestations of divine energy. Carrellas (2017) states that “sexual energy can be a powerful path to spiritual progress; sex can be sacred. All of life can be included and celebrated on the path to enlightenment” (p.5). Tantra is a spiritual path that involves mindfulness and meditation. It can (and should) challenge you to let go of your ego and be more mindful of the energy that is flowing through your body. It is not about reaching an orgasm or society’s expectation of the ultimate sexual destination. Tantra is about the holistic journey which can be healing and empowering.

Carrellas (2017) shares what Tantra is not.

It is not a religion, but it is spiritual, if you want it to be!
It is not all about sex, but about “mindfulness, connection, and personal power” (p. 6).
Tantric practices can be experienced by all genders.
Despite what you may have heard about the length of Tantra sessions, they do not have to be hours long! Tantric rituals are designed to focus energy, whether it be brief or for a long period of time.
You don’t have to practice Tantra with a partner. You, yourself, can be your partner. Solo rituals can be empowering and enlightening.

An Exercise:

By yourself or with a partner(s), think of some words and phrases that come to mind when you think of sexuality.

Then, think of some words or phrases that come to mind when you think of spirituality.

Is your list full of positive, negative, or neutral terms? Many things can come up for us, emotionally, when we think of sexuality and spirituality.

Bridging sexuality with spirituality: take deep breaths, and close your eyes. When in a meditative state, imagine that you are sitting on a bridge, looking at all the listed words as visual representations in nature. Practice looking at them with acceptance, “this is part of me, and I am ok with it – all of it”.

So, how do we get to this bridge of acceptance? Some therapists may offer to teach or practice mindfulness with clients to help them establish a safe place to practice acceptance in Tantra. Mindfulness sits presently with you, watching thoughts go by. Imagine a luggage carousel at the airport – suitcases and bags of various shapes, sizes, and colors pass by. You notice each one, you may step closer to have a better look, noticing the intricate patchwork or patterns. You take note of what it looks like, then you watch it pass by. This can be done with thoughts through the use of mindfulness. Watching our thoughts cross over through our consciousness, noticing the thought, then we can allow it to pass by and return back to the present moment. There is no judgment in what just is.

To help stay present for meditation, practice sitting absolutely still in the moment. Stay present in your body. Use grounding techniques such as listening to your breath, feeling your heartbeat, or even covering your ears for a few breaths so you can hear the roar of the breath as you inhale and exhale.

Meditation for Partners

Create space for these intimate moments, whatever that means for you and your partner (candles, lighting, smells, air temperature, etc.).

Sit across from partner either in chairs or seated on the floor of a room or ground of the earth, or bed – wherever feels comfortable. Take some deep breaths with your eyes closed on your own to center yourself for this exercise.

When you’re ready….

Open your eyes and look into partner’s eyes, breathe in and out naturally until you find each other’s breath, then start to breathe in and out in unison. Try not to judge the process, sometimes it takes a while, sometimes you’ll laugh or find it difficult not to look away. Just stick with it! Note what feelings may come up if it is difficult to hold the gaze. Sometimes this is a good place to stop. Just practicing looking into one another’s eyes is a big step for many partners. Eye gazing is “a trust exercise of the highest order” (Carrellas, 2017, p. 99) and regular practice can help ease any difficulty.

When you’re ready….

Allow the sense of the person to be with you completely and totally. This happens when you are continue breathing and looking into each other’s eyes. Try not to look away, just quietly settle into each other’s eyes. Notice if there are any thoughts that come through the mind; notice without judgment, and allow them to pass by.

Allow breaths to become a cycle: one partner breathes in and the other partner breathes out. Eventually, this starts to happen naturally. Remember that it is okay to laugh, smile, or even cry.
Let the energy of any emotions come and go, take notice of them, be curious about them, but bring yourself back into the present.
Continue the cyclical breathing. Really settle into what is happening inside your body.

When you’re ready….

Softly place your right hand over your partner’s heart, and have them do the same. Continue the cyclical breathing, feeling the heartbeat of your partner.
Place your left hand over their hand that is over your heart. Do this after many breaths.
Allow your partner to see you fully as they feel your heartbeat, and your hand on theirs. Notice feelings that come up for you, if any, and pay attention to how your body feels.
Continue the cyclical breathing – breathing in each other’s energy.
Quietly cycle through 5 more breaths.

When you’re ready….

Gently lean forward and place your forehead on your partner’s forehead, remembering this is a gift of intimacy. Start taking synchronized breaths together. Eyes opened or closed for comfort.

Embrace this tender moment with one another, feeling the ebb and flow of the breaths, the heart beats, and this moment in time.

When you’re ready….

Gently remover your hands from each other’s hearts and lean into one another for a melting hug. Hug with your whole body. If you are sitting in chairs, feel free to stand or to move chairs closer together.
Relax and make your body soft and open.
Melt together: on your exhale, you remind your partner of your presence; on your inhale you embrace your partner’s presence.
Take your time in this embrace.

When you’re ready….

Slowly and lean back from one another, once again making eye contact. Slowly find the rhythm of your breath and recenter. Continue to gaze at one another for a few more breaths.

Remain gentle in this space with yourself and/or with your partner. Great vulnerability can be shared during this exercise which can create intimacy, but can also create a flow of emotional energy that can feel overwhelming. Talk to your partner, your therapist, and/or journal these feelings that have come up for you.

Show gratitude to the partner for the moment that you shared. See the divine in one another.

Solo Tantra

As mentioned before, eye gazing is a trust exercise and can feel very vulnerable – even staring into your own eyes. Here is a great starting exercise to warm up to your own gaze:

Stand or sit in front of a mirror, or use a hand-held mirror.
Close your eyes and take some deep, recentering breaths, noticing how you feel inside your body.
Place your right hand on your heart and gently place your left hand over your right.
Choose one of your eyes to focus on in the mirror. Carrellas (2017) suggests looking into your non-dominant eye.
As you sit quietly, notice any emotions or thoughts that come up for you. Gently guide these thoughts into positive affirmations.

When you’re ready….

Continue to gaze into your eyes and begin to bring the intimate dialogue from inside your mind to outside of your body by verbalizing, “I love you. I love your for…. I forgive you. I forgive you for…. I know you. I know you are…. I cherish you. You are worthy of healing, love, and of this intimate moment of growth.” You can repeat one phrase or free-associate with affirmations that speak true to you.

Notice any emotions or thoughts that enter the energy flow or your mind. Remember that it is okay to laugh, smile, or even cry.

Continue the breaths and the eye gaze. Continue to speak your truth out loud, or silently if that is more comfortable.

When you’re ready….

Move your hand from your heart and wrap yourself in a butterfly hug

Remain gentle in this space with yourself. Great vulnerability can be expressed during this exercise, but can also create a flow of emotional energy that can feel overwhelming. Talk to a trusted individual or therapist and/or journal these feelings that have come up for you.

Show gratitude through self-care toward yourself for this practice. See the divine in you.

Want more information about Tantra, mindfulness, and meditation? Contact us to schedule an appointment with Respark Certified Sex Therapist in Texas or Colorado at 512-537-0922.

References

Carrelllas, Barbara (2017). Urban Tantra: sacred sex for the twenty-first century. New York: Penguin Random House, LLC.

Couples Meditation for Beginners: Practical Tantric Exercises. (n.d.). Retrieved from Online Tantra: https://www.online-tantra.com/couples-meditation-for-beginners/

Next Steps & Resources:

Ready to take the next step?

What online counseling options do I have?

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What is Respark all about?

We have therapists throughout all of Texas and Colorado. We offer the best couples therapy and sex therapy because our team had 200+ hours of training post graduate. Many of them are already certified or about to become certified sex therapists. We have therapists trained in trauma, EMDR, eating disorders and Health at Every Size informed.

I want to become a sex therapist or sexual health professional, how do I do that?
Check out our podcast with Respark Founder, Heather McPherson at Practice Outside the Lines.

I want to become a certified sex therapist or certified sex coach or educator?

We also started one of the largest sexual health training organizations in the country. Check out Sexual Health Alliance for sexuality certification programs.

I need additional support around growing my sexual health focused practice as a sex therapist, sex coach or sexuality professional. Where can I find more information?

We started Practice Outside the Lines to support new and seasoned sexuality professionals learn how to start and grow a sexual health focused business.