Only Children: Motherhood Series

There seems to be many stigmas out there about only children, that is, one without siblings – they’re attention-seeking, anti-social, selfish, or somehow, all of the above. While most of these are misconceptions, they have real-life consequences for families. The mom-shame associated with having only one child can put unnecessary pressure on the mother to continue having children despite her personal health risks, family support, or simply non-desire to continue conceiving. 

In discussing this topic, I want to clarify that the research is somewhat of a mixed bag. Because of the multiple confounding variables that cannot be attributed to, as well as geographical, political, and societal differences (much of this research comes from China because of the previous single-child mandate), this summary should not be read as the end all, be all of this topic. Rather, I aim to encourage these difficult conversations to break down stigma and open our consciousness up to the journey of motherhood, no matter what it may look like. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and you should do what you think is best for yourself and your family. After all, there’s no one right way to raise human(s). 

Social Behavior of Only Children vs. Children with Sibling(s):

Within peer groups, only children seem to upkeep relationships, even when outside forces interfere. For example, the number of close friendships and the quality of those friendships are similar between both solo children and children with sibling(s). Solo children are also no more likely to have psychological distress, negative peer pressure, or problematic behaviors. This could be related to peer engagement with the solo child, as solo children are said to be less liked by their classmates on the whole. Because of possible victimization or aggression towards peer groups, solo children may learn to block out peer pressure and any negativity associated with it. 

On the other hand, this suggests that children with sibling(s) may learn conflict resolution and management skills from a younger age than solo children due to non-exposure. In fact, in a vignette analysis related to sharing actions, solo children rated their desire to share with a friend and family member the same, whereas children with sibling(s) showed a preference for their family. This suggests that kinship ties in solo children are less strong and shaped by lived experiences. However, solo children also showed less sadness when sharing actions were withheld, indicating that they simply may not value sharing as much as children with sibling(s). Following this, solo children are thought to be more egocentric, while children with sibling(s) are more likely to possess traits of persistence, cooperation, and peer prestige. With all this said, though, a 2019 study reports that any differences noted in their research were not statistically significant. For this reason, there seems to be little, if any, behavioral differences between only children and children with sibling(s).  

Academic Behavior of Solo Children vs. Children with Sibling(s):

On the other side of the topic, only children seem to outperform children with sibling(s) academically. As solo children receive more parental involvement in educational learning, they have better memory processes, language skills, mathematical skills, educational expectations, and grades. In fact, parent-child communication and parent-child activities can positively predict academic performance in only children. This means that prioritizing quality time with your child can increase their educational achievement and opportunities. Moreover, solo children tend to spend more time working on their homework in comparison to younger children in medium to large families. Again, there are likely many confounding variables here, but this might be due to less distraction and more focused attention. 

Environmental Consideration:

As you enter or continue on your motherhood journey, giving your child a sibling may seem meaningless in the long term, but there are some serious external factors to consider. One of the reasons the Chinese government originally instituted the one-child policy was to curb overpopulation. Given that the world population just hit 8 billion people, this seems like a significant consideration. Even though this topic can seem large-scale, making them personal allows you the opportunity to think about your true desires and the world you want to bring your child up in. This is essentially finding a balance between moral prerogatives and the personal value of family. Sarah Conly, author of One Child: Do we have a right to more?, argues that, ethically, government mandates for singleton families may be justified so long as punishments for breaking these policies are fair. During its implementation period, the one-child policy in China significantly reduced overpopulation, along with the associated strain on the environment. In this way, considering the state of the world becomes realistically and theoretically important to consider when starting a family. 

Because of the complex nature of this topic, there is not a single road to walk. Instead, there are many paths ahead of you that you may choose to take. Whatever your decision, I urge you to remember that every mother, regardless of the number of her children, is walking a similar path. Passing judgment and spreading stigma only exacerbates the stress of motherhood, ultimately felt by the children. Because of this, SHA encourages you to lead with kindness and understanding throughout the journey. Happy trails!

By Emily Carriere

At Respark Therapy, we’re here to help you create healthy relationships, find pleasure, and spark joy. To explore more about sex and marriage counseling, connect with our Care Team at: care@respark.co or call (512)-537-0922.